Life is a banquet

Last week, my Aunt Pat, who was 79 years old and living in Wilmington, NC passed away from unknown causes. Apparently a work man was scheduled to come to the house for repairs and got concerned when she didn't answer the door or the phone. Concerned, he called the cops who then broke into her house to find my Aunt sitting in her favorite chair... seemingly just sleeping.

When I look back at my Aunt and this unfortunate news, I can't really be too terribly depressed. Yes, it sucks that my Aunt is no longer with us, but... looking back on it all, she lived a great life right until the end and hopefully, her passing was quick and painless. If anything, I see this as an opportunity to celebrate my Aunt's life.

You know, my brother and I always referred to my Aunt as "Auntie Mame" because she was such a riot (if you've seen the movie or read the book.... you know exactly what I mean.) Whereas other people her age knitted and collected Hummel figurines, Aunt Pat drank, smoked, met men at the bar, played golf and told inappropriate stories. She really did live life to the fullest and never seemed to slow down. In fact, she carried on right till the very end. I'd like to think that she had a smoke, fixed herself a nice strong drink and then sat down to relax at the end of the day.

I'll always remember visiting Aunt Pat when we were children and she lived outside of DC. This was always a highlight of the summer as it meant getting to eat Maryland crabs, tons of port wine cheese and crackers, visit all the Smithsonian Museums, the National Monuments, and sit out on her balcony watching all the people in her neighboring apartments come and go. I always enjoyed those visits and later when she moved to North Carolina, there were also more crabs to be consumed, but there were also warm beaches to visit and big cypress trees to hang from. With going away to college and then moving to the West Coast, it became fewer and farer between visits, but I made a point to go to my cousins (her granddaughters) wedding in Reno this summer to see her again. As well, just a few days before her passing I marked in my 2011 planner a trip to go visit her on her 80th birthday in April.

So- So long Aunt Pat... may you be remembered with a smile and a laugh always.

"Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death." -Aunite Mame

Oh, and I took your advice Aunt Pat:

These are my day dreams in the winter

There are some days, especially those in the winter, that when I sit down at my desk and my mind doesn't go straight to the work to be done for the day. I walk into the kitchenette to get some coffee and I look outside, out into the cold damp dark morning. I watch as the working people rush into the coffee shop across the street and the computer monitors light-up in the office windows across the way. It is in these moments that my mind drifts far away from the hustle and the bustle of the city, my mind drifts off towards a snowy mountain pass somewhere. A road with tall, majestic fir trees lining the way; branches laden with snow and slumping towards the ground. Past the road, there is a deep dark snowy woods. A woods that is slowly filling with a soft morning light; going from a muddled navy to a light hazy lavender. There in the woods is untouched powder. It softy blankets the base of the trees, just waiting... waiting for someone to track through it. White, perfect, crisp, silent, still...

These are my day dreams in the winter.

I am not one to dream for Caribbean Cruise vacations filled with snorkeling and sandy beaches. My drinks do not come in coconuts with little umbrellas. My screen saver is not palm trees and crystal blue water. It is the snow, it is the trees, it is the mountains, and it is the cold. And these things I would gladly pass up any tropical vacation for. These are my day dreams, not only in the winter... but in the summer too.

Over the past few weeks a few storms have rolled into the mountains and dumped a fair amount of snow on the slopes of Mt. Hood. This has provided an ample base to begin the snowboarding/ski season and so this past weekend, I partook for the first time this winter. I've been keeping myself busy racing bikes all spring, summer, and fall long... but each time I put on my racing spandex and pull out my bike, I am secretly wishing for the time when I can put it away for a while. I am waiting till it gets cold, till it gets wet, and the seasons change. I've had my snowboarding bag, filled with my base layers, my wool socks, my snowboarding pants and my red parka, packed for the past three months, just waiting. I got my board waxed and edged last month.... just waiting.

I love pretty much everything about a trip to the mountain.

I love meeting my friends in the morning; coffee, breakfast burrito, and snowboard in hand... just waiting for the adventure that the day will bestow upon us. I love the approach, the drive up to the mountain. I love seeing how far away the snow starts. I love passing the Mt. Hood Wilderness sign and seeing cars pull over on the side of the road to put their chains on. I love the trees that line the way, branches heavy with snow. Little cabins nestled in the woods, warm glows coming from inside. I love telling my friends to be quiet for Silent Rock (respect it ya'll). I love the view that comes right after we pass it. I love seeing that first glimpse of the mountain. I love getting our parking spot and then getting out into the cold air in an eager attempt to layer up as quick as you can before the chill from the air gets to you. I love that first chair ride up, hearing the snow... listening for what it sounds like under the skis and boards of those below. I love trying to spot the powder stashes off to the side. And I love love love if it's a powdery day. If the snow is soft and light. I love if I can make it to my favorite little tree sections before they get all run through.

(I heart Jack's Woods)

I love the trees. I am sure that one day they will be the end of me, but I love nothing more on the mountain than a deep steep section of trees. I love plotting my way through them. Connecting the dots, using the trees as markers, swishing left, swooping right, narrowly making it through some trees that are only wide enough for a board, ducking under a fallen tree or a low branch. I love seeing a waterfall of powder under me... the snow becomes fluid, just like me, it cascades below till I catch up with it. More than doing tree runs themselves though, I love the trees because it is here that the mountain seems the quietest. Away from the lift lines, away from the park punks, away from the hill bombing toddlers, here in the woods it is still. Here in the woods I have the greatest connection to nature. I feel a part of the world around me. I honestly wish I could have a tree-run that would last for hours, endlessly boarding down without ever having to stand in a lift line to do it all over again.

But alas... at some point an end of the day has to come and with it, a sobering ride home from the mountain. That's the part I hate the most; leaving, driving, being tired from the exposure and the exhilaration. I wish at the end of each snowboarding day there was a few pints of a nice stout or porter, some pizza, cajun tots and then I'd magically be whisked away to a hot tub, a fireplace and a warm bed... wanting nothing but waiting for the alarm to go off and then do it all over again the next day.

Unlike many, I never listen to music while riding on the mountain - but if I did... it would be this song on repeat. There is just something about it that takes me to a snowy woods... enjoy and happy daydreams yourself.

	Fleet Foxes - Blue Ridge Mountains .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Women's CX Single Speed Oregon State Championships and other bike related news

"SSara Tingey and Jenn Velolevo both got a podium spot in the womens SS cross race yesterday. I saw them both on the course and they were rockin' it! Congrats to both of you and nice work in some tough conditions. Levo did a cool slide out on the tough off-camber section at the top of the course. I didn't see a single person ride that section, although it didn't keep me from trying all day (stoopid!)"

-Joe Santos

Sometimes, it's best to leave the detailed race reports to more simpler formats. If that was the case here, I think Joe summed up Saturday's State Championship races pretty well. But, me being me and this being my blog, I'm going to elaborate just a little bit more.

Going into Saturday's race, I was mainly just stoked that there WAS a Women's SS Category, for the first time ever. Granted, I thought that we'd probably just have at least five women show up on the start line but to my surprise we had one of the largest women's fields of the day! (SS: 15, Beginner: 15, Cat B: 10, Cat A: 12, Master A: 19, Master B:5, 45+:10). And, it was a pretty strong group of women who showed up. Everyone from folks like Sarah T and Anna Christiansen (who race A's), a lot of the B's (who I normally place behind), and some fasters masters ladies. Prior to the race, it was fun standing on the line with everyone who is basically, your cross bike racing peer, meaning, we are all riding the same basic bike. It's a great equalizer, you know that when you're not looking forward to that big hill... that no one else is either. It's gonna be tough for you, it's gonna be tough for everyone. Speaking of hills by the way, this subject got everyone talking about what gearing they were running. While we all had single speeds, we were not all running the same single speed. Looking around and chit-chatting, I realized that I was running way too big of a gear for the "dreaded hill" at Salem HS. Whereas most of my competitors were gearing the mid-to-late 30's, my gearing was up in the 40's. This, I realized, was most likely not going to be too favorable for the race. But, instead of worrying about the fact that I'm going to have to run my bike up the hill, I just accepted it was not my ideal course and that i'd be running with the bike any time the elevation started gaining and my legs started pushing. In that case, I'd just have to make up for it by kicking the shit out of any flat spots where I could sprint and gain ground. I mean, I might as well make my big gear work for me while everyone else is spinning eh? So, that's what I did.

Once the race was underway, everyone shot straight out of the gates and in no time flat, a few people went down and got stuck in the mud. Anna C. seemed to have hit turbo and was out of sight in no time, a bit ahead of me was Sarah T but I still had about three other racers in between us that I figured were going to give me a run for my money. Bit by bit, someone would wipe out on the slippery off-camber. Being an opportunist, I made it past some folks by mostly riding this section with one foot clipped out - that way I could brace myself intentionally and just kick it through most of the time, catching myself when I needed to all the while keeping momentum up. Every time there was a little bit (or a big bit) of a hill, I just did what I said I would do and got off and ran it, conserving energy rather than expending it trying to ride. Luckily the hill wasn't that steep, it was just long and littered with momentum draining bark dust wood chips. As long as you could keep a good pace and stay moving at a quick rate, I figured you could do pretty well.

By the end of the first lap, I was only going back and forth with two other riders, MK from Ironclad and Angela from Hammer. A few times I passed Angela on the flats, but then she'd catch back up to me on the hill. By the mid part of lap two though, I caught back up to her after she passed me on a hill and she was just spinning and spinning and spinning on the flats and gaining no ground. This is where I was glad to be running a big gear as I just flew past. MK at this point was the only rider ahead of me. She was going strong but got caught up a few times in the mucky off-camber where I was able to pass her. For the rest of the race my main motivation was not to catch up with Sarah, who I'd occasionally catch a glimpse of ahead of me, but it was to keep those two other girls off my back. (I've found that not only beer, but paranoia as well is a great motivator). The rest of the race was spent hammering it in sections that I could, looking behind me, bombing down sections where I could, looking behind me, running into tree branches that covered the best lines, (looking behind me) and running up hills. It wasn't till about the third lap when I realized that I was in a medal spot and that there was only one other person ahead of Sarah, which was Anna. Cool I thought, I just have to not freak the frick out and finish strong. I managed to ride the rest of the course pretty clean aside from a big wipe out in the mud section right before the finish. It was one of those where you fall down and you fall through your bike... meaning, you and your bike have to be untangled in order to keep going. It was at this point that I had visions of having to run the bike to the finish and having one of the other girls creeping up behind me turning into a neck and neck bike vs foot race... but no, the bike kept moving and so did I.

At the finish line I happily saw Sarah and Anna there waiting. I got a little confused at first since there were some other racers standing there too, people that normally place ahead of me or at least near to, so I wasn't to sure how I placed at first, but I soon learned that they had been cut from the race a lap before me, so no... I did indeed come in third. Woop woop! As well, there was a nice chunk of time between me and 4th so even if I had had to run it in the end, I still probably would have placed third. Overall, I was stoked to medal in the first ever wmns ss category and happy to do it with my BTV teammate Sarah (who she being a superior mountain biker, I never thought I'd see the day where I was standing on the same podium.) Hopefully, with our strong field and good showing on Saturday, OBRA can make Women's SS a legitimate open wmns category at more cross races next year. Sadly though, I hope it wouldn't take away from the competitive nature of the other women's categories; for example I was a little disappointed in turnout in the Women's B field with only 10 racers. Hopefully, everyone can have their cake and eat it too.

PS: special thanks to Margi who can either predict the future or at least fill my head with self-full filling prophecies. Thanks for helping me believe in myself. :)

(photo by Sara F)

As well, on this note... it's with bittersweet satisfaction that I hang up my BTV kit for the 2010 bike racing season. It's been a good season for me and I've had many enjoyable races and fun times and beers with my Bridgetown teammates. However, when I return to the road in 2011 I've decided to switch teams and race with Ironclad instead. It's nothing personal as I love Bridgetown and it's been a great two years riding with and getting to know them. Most of all, I thank Bridgetown for taking a chance on a kid who came to team rides wearing tennis shoes and had cage pedals. :)

Overall, it's been a great season and a great year. In 2010, I entered in 40 races including road races, time trials, crits, track races and a cross. Which in aside from cross races (where there are 60 some plus riders), I placed in the top ten in all events with a few top five finishes (and a lot of 4th places) as well as one or two podiums. The highlights of the season were probably:

3rd place - Cherry Blossom Cycling Class Stage Race Criterium, Cat 4

1st place - OBRA State Championships, Match Sprints, Cat 4

2nd place - OBRA State Championships, 500mm TT, Cat 4

3rd place - OBRA State Championships, Wmns SS XC

Looking back on that, I am a very very very happy camper and I am really really looking forward to racing with the Ironclad crew net year. However, at the same time I am also really really happy for bike racing to be over for a bit. I am ready for the snow to start falling. I am ready to say good bye to dirt and asphalt for a while and hello to powder and pine trees. Everyone needs some time to refresh and rejuvenate and for that, I go to the mountains. See ya on the road come spring time!

(Speaking of snow, here's a photo of the podium for the Wmns SS on Saturday... who here looks like they just came out of the half-pipe?)

Playing Outdoors

So, being on a vintage book kick recently (see last post) got me to thinking about going to the library a lot as a youth. It's something I don't do so much anymore because when I do find the time to read, it happens to be magazines that I either buy or have delivered to my house. And, if I really want a book bad enough, I'll buy it or borrow it from a friend. That's just how it is these days. And well, I feel bad... but I've lived in Oregon now for 3.5 years and I have yet to even get a library card. I think that makes me a bad Oregonian. I mean, I have a bike, I snowboard, I try to surf , I have a dog, I recycle, I drink beer, I drink coffee, I go see live music, I even drive a SUBARU! but... I just don't have that library card yet. (Maybe that's what I'll do to celebrate my fourth year. 03.31.11, get ready for it Multnomah County Libraries - it's gonna be raging!)

Anyways, back when I was a youth in Hillsboro Ohio, there was one book that I think I checked out of our library at least 12 times. As some of you may know, as I kid I was obsessed with magazines, especially L.L.Bean. One day while pursuing the outdoors section of the library, I came across this book and fell in love. It was so chock full of information and tips, that it was my go-to source for the outdoors, and well... the fact that it was an L.L. Bean book just made it even more delicious. So.. I did some searching on the internet and found it. In less than two weeks a perfectly good used copy of the L.L. Bean Guide to the Outdoors, by Bill Riviere (published in 1981) showed up on my doorstep.

I eagerly ripped open the package and sat down in my favorite chair to thumb through the pages. Almost thirty years have passed since the book was published and at least fifteen years have gone past since I last read it. So many of the articles like weather forecasting, nutrition on the trail, and where to put your tent still ring true today, but some of their fashion tips I just chuckled at. I mean, in the 90's when I first found this book, fleece was all the rage. I couldn't believe that people actually used to wear wool baselayers and puffy down filled coats. And now well, fifteen years later look at the outdoors and fashion industry, that's exactly what people (ie the urban woodsman) are wearing again.

(the model for this illustration lives in Williamsburg.)

(Always handy for finding your way home from the bar.)

(Axe, bought unfinished from vendor for $30, painted pretty colors and resold for $150.)

(Classic L.L.Bean boots, made by L.L.Bean but now resold by J.Crew for an additional $200.)

Take for example the external frame backpack. Five years ago, people were probably finding them in the the back of their garage and giving them away for free. Now though, a vintage Kelty External Frame pack easily goes for $100 on ebay! And, I don't think those people who are actually buying them are planning on going on large expeditions of scaling Mt. Hood with them. No, they'll probably just throw it on their back, put an extra pair of skinny jeans, a vintage flannel, their iphones, some PBR and tofu in them and walk around Forest Park with their "Best Made" axe and "play" outdoors.

(Where do I put my fixed gear bike lock?)

Anyways, I'm glad I was able to find this book. More than anything else, it's connected me back with a little bit of my childhood and past. There are still plenty of helpful tips in it, but there is also humor seeing how modern-day trends has co-opted some of the icons and the "lifestyle".

To Do List: Rewrite and Reride History

So, last year I wrote a little bit about a new vintage book I picked up online, The Oregon American Guide Series book from the WPA, first published in 1940. Due to the fragile nature of the book, I really haven't fully delved into it's facts, figures, routes, trips and storied past of Oregon history... but whenever my mind wanders into getting outside and exploring more of Oregon... my mind goes back to this book. As I've said before, I'd love to follow some of the routes suggested in the book and then take photos at the same spots pictured in the book; however, I'd do it all on bike. In proper Oregon fashion. The only problem is, for as much as I enjoy riding my bike... I don't really like "riding" my bike. Truth of the matter is, if I'm on my bike it's probably because I'm racing it (and ideally, in spans of time no longer than forty-five minutes at a time). Learning to ride for long distances for long periods of time is something I'll have to get used to. Maybe, thinking of documenting this trip while riding would be a good place to start.

Anyways, I got out the camera last evening and decided to take some more photos of the book... you know, to keep the fires going. If you are a local cyclist who does enjoy riding for long periods of time and would like to sign on with me to explore some of the routes... I'd love to collaborate with you. Let's discuss.

I'm sold...

So, it's no big secret that I am a sucker for Scandinavian design. Throw in some clean lines, classic colors, good pricing, practicality and meatballs and you'll find me there. So, it was with eager anticipation that I looked forward to Portland's newest outlet of Northern European yum, with the opening of H&M last Thursday.

Less than two blocks from my office downtown, the lines for H&M stretched around the whole street and around the block. At first I thought people had staked out places on the sidewalk for a Veterans Day Parade (since it was on the same day) but no... it was just a lot of rabid shoppers waiting to be the first in the door. For those of you not familiar with H&M, I'll give you a brief description. Fashionable, affordable and from Sweden. Basically, it's kinda like the IKEA of clothes, but with less meatballs. Actually, H&M (Hennes und Mauritz) was originally founded in 1947 as a womens store (hennes means hers) in Sweden. However, over the years they have expanded their lines to include mens, kids, and juniors and their locations can be found all over any major european city. In the past decade though, they expanded to the US and placed stores all over New York City. (They are actually as ubiquitous in NYC as Starbucks are; however, it's a good idea to visit at least two or three of the stores since they all have "slightly" different stuff.) In recent years, stores have also popped up in Chicago and Seattle and now finally.... Portland.

So, I was looking forward to the opening since anytime I travel to Europe or NYC, I always make a point to stop into a store and try to find something I can't live without. And, because the new store was so close... is actually a pretty dangerous thing. I stupidly thought I might be able to "swing by" during opening day, but all throughout the afternoon, the line just to get into the store still reached around the block. Even on the following day I imagined the crowds to be quite long... so, I waited.

And I waited.

And finally Monday evening after work I decided to make my way over.

And well... it was pretty much what I expected. Standard items of button downs, sweatshirts, jeans, pants, and accessories. If you were looking for a basic item for your work wardrobe you could find it. If you were looking for a new hoodie you could find it. If you were looking for a casual shirt to wear to your friends bbq you could find it. And well, if you ever go out to the clubs you may have even found something that worked. Overall, I wasn't really wowed. I mean, I wasn't expecting much and some of what I saw was pretty much the same thing that was on the shelves in Sweden this summer, but for standard basic items it was pretty good. And yeah, most tops were in that $15-30 range which is pretty affordable for a basic new shirt. I think if you wanted a new coat you could have really made out as they did have some really nice options. As well, I did like their mens selections. I don't often buy in the men's department because the clothes are huge on me, but I love looking. And well, as I strolled through the mens wear I saw a couple of other ladies doing the same. Regardless though, I didn't see anything that jumped out and said "BUY ME JENN, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!" And well, the things I saw that I liked, I realized I already had. For example, I did not need another long sleeve t-shirt, another t-shirt, a pea coat, a button down black shirt, a plaid shirt, or a knit cap... so I walked away empty handed. Satisfied, but empty handed.

What I thought was the coolest thing about the new H&M was obviously, not what they had on the shelves, but the photos they had in their display windows. These, really impressed me. In fact, I was so taken by them that that is the whole reason I decided to write this post... was so that I could share them with you. So, for that I'll give them two thumbs up. Yeah for the gay H&M! I mean, maybe it's just a clever marketing ploy (the gay, you know, is so trendy these days) and maybe these folks aren't really gay... shit... it really doesn't matter. It's implied and well, if you know... you know. ;)

damn... I'm sold.

small rant

So... the other day a friend of mine sent me an email and said her company was looking for some new design work to be done and she thought I might be interested. Well, always looking for more freelance work, I followed her link to get more info on the project and came across this site, 99designs. And, suddenly I was revolted. I mean, don't get me wrong... I was happy my friend thought of me and passed along word of work - but I think I as a designer, am going to have to put my foot down and take a stance on things like this.

Basically, what 99designs is a website where companies, who are looking for design work to be done, can basically sponsor a "contest". And any designer or artist with some time to spare can take as much time as they want to... and enter the contest. The company then picks the design they like best and 99designs pays the designer for their work. Overall, it seems simple and great for the company. They never have to actually deal with an artist and they have tons of designs to choose from.... all submitted to them for free! On the designer end though... if they win the "contest" - great they get some cash. If they don't win... well.... they get nothing.

Full disclosure here, yes.... I have done some design "contests" and yes, I have won some of them. Most of them have been from small companies who didn't really know any better or I myself, didn't really know better. Or, maybe I just had some work that I had done prior that never saw the light of day and entering it into a logo contest was an easy way to earn a few bucks (in that case I get the last laugh). But what we have here with sites like 99designs, is a company who is basically "whoring out" designers. It's letting small companies who don't know any better or maybe have no idea how to hire a graphic designer, get cheap labor and spec work. It makes us as designers... seem like we are all starving artists who will gladly toil our time and creativity away for the small chance that we might win a few bucks here and there. It treats that small company as if they were the king of the world and if we, as designers, should feel privileged to do work for free. That we are salivating... waiting for bread crumbs that come in the form of the sheer overwhelming joy of the slight opportunity to design a logo for your wedding invitation.

And the thing is.... yeah, some of us are going to do it. Sadly, times are tough... no one knows this more than creatives, we understand, we feel... and we need to put food on the table as much as everyone else. So yeah, dangle a carrot in front of our face and we might grab for it. At the same time, it is killing our profession. It is killing the value that goes into what we do and coming up with a unique and original design catered to each project. It is removing the humanity from the craft. Shit, you might as well be going out and buying clip art if that's all you expect your work to be like.

I don't know if this kinda crap happens in any other industry?

If I want a custom bike, do I have each custom bike builder spend their time and hard earned money creating the perfect bike for me and then I pick the one I like best and then pay them? No. Would you call ten plumbers over to your house and only pay the one that fixed your leaky pipe the best? No... even though you migth want to. Would you have six different architects create and design a house catered just for you and then you decide to pick and pay the one you like best? No. I mean, yeah... a lot of time designers and companies have to bid for work and make proposals... but they are never actually finished products. Usually those things mean that you'll get the job and then get more work from those clients as you work with them, but here... no, it's slam bam thank you mam and don't let the door hit you on the way out. Oh, and maybe here is an extra $5 for the bus ride home.

As well, as a client buying into 99designs, how do you know that you are getting original creative work suited for you? How do you know that artist didn't just pull it off some clip art page? How do you know it's not something they directly copied from someone else? How do you know that you aren't gonna get sued when someone discovers your logo is the same as theirs?

Take for example, this summer one of Seattle's biggest music festivals "Bumbershoot" created a contest so that designers could create a new logo for the festival. When word got out about this, the design community of Seattle went bat shit crazy? People expect this kinda stuff from small fry companies... but from Bumbershoot? A festival that is supposed to be supporting the arts? So... hackles were raised, letters were written and eventually, Bumbershoot admitted they had no idea that people were passionate about the issue, they were just uninformed and didn't know any better and later canceled the contest.

AIGA, the American Institute of Graphic Arts, has a strong stance against "spec work" and even works hard to inform students, educators, designers, clients, and the general public on the risks of compromising the design process. "AIGA believes that professional designers should be compensated fairly for the value of their work and should negotiate the ownership or use rights of their intellectual and creative property through engagements with their clients."

Basically, I don't want to come across wholier than thou - but I am going to have to start putting my foot down about this and informing some people about this because they just don't know. And when I say "some people" I mean you. You out there reading this. I may know you, I may not know you, but you probably have a skill or a trade that I myself cannot do. I value you. I value your education and the time you put into your job and your work because that is what makes you... you. If I hire or ask you to do something, it's because I intend on paying you for what your services and skills are worth. At the same time, I value myself. I value my skills and my time and what makes my work unique, creative and original. Unless you buy me tons of beer (my keg of ninkasi is starting to run low) or I am a friend helping you out because I respect you, I am not going to whore myself and my talents out. I am putting my foot down and saying no. No more free spec work. No more "contests". No more work under the guise of "good exposure". And... even if I have to work at Subway making sandwiches to put food on the table, at least I can go to bed at night knowing that I didn't comprise myself or my peers. I can look at myself in the mirror and then wipe the mustard off the side of my face and eat another sandwhich (from Subway, you know?)

Everything is Free

You know, I go see a lot of live shows and it's easy in Portland because so many bands and performers make their way through here on their way to Seattle or San Fran... Portland is just a natural stop. As well, if a singer gets a good base of fans here, it bodes well for them since we have so many well versed music appreciators and musicians in our midst. Anyways, I haven't made it out to as many shows this year as I have in years past. I've actually been feeling a little apathetic recently on the live music scene.

And the thing is... I've tried to figure out where this apathy comes from but it's been hard to pin down and find an exact source. I don't know if it's because I've been busy with other things like bike racing or maybe I haven't been really "wowed" by new talent? Maybe its just that some of my favorite artists haven't released a new album this year and so aren't touring? Maybe they are touring but playing the same songs I've heard over and over again? Or maybe it's just because my favorite filming camera broke and I couldn't bare the thought of going to see a show without it?

Or, maybe it's because I've had a list of "favorite artists to see before they or I kick it" and in the past year I've been able to cross off a lot of those artists. Living in Savannah Georgia, I hardly ever got the chance to see artists I liked and so as soon as I moved to Portland - I jumped at any opportunity to see a band I sorta even kinda liked. I mean, if I had heard of an artist and they had at least one song I liked, I went to go see them. And well, when it came to bigger ticket shows... I even coughed up the money to go see them along with a few thousand other people. Most memorable was two years ago when I went to see Bruce Springsteen. Even though I was in the nosebleeds at the Rose Garden (and I never go to see a show at the Rose Garden), it's one of my top ten concert experiences ever... just because, well... it's Bruce F*cking Springsteen!

Or, maybe it's because recently I've been able to have a more personal interaction with some of my favorite performers? Take for example: I for the longest time have love love loved Natalie Merchant (who I consider to be my gateway drug to intelligent music). I listened to Tigerlilly until the tape deck wore out and I had to buy a new one on CD. I went to Lilith Fair to see just her. I drove across state lines in tiny little New England towns so that I could see her again. At every show I went to, I stood there amongst all the other fans and sang along to every song. But, never in my life did I ever think I'd have the chance to meet her until this spring when my "Special Friend Scott" invited me to go see her at Kink FM's Live Performance Lounge with him. After the short set we got to meet Natalie and I'll never forget the moments that followed (nor will I really want to remember it for it was one of the weirdest, most awkward and oh so embarrassing moments of my life that followed).

(Natalie and Scott and I. Don't ask)

As well, if you know me you know that I'm a HUGE Brandi Carlile fan. In fact, I never never never miss an opportunity to see her when she comes to town or has a smaller show up in Seattle. And well, I've had so many great Brandi shows and Brandi experiences in the past years that sadly, I've become a little bit spoiled and a little bit jaded. I mean, I actually have to lower my expectations for each show to be amazing because I don't want to walk away disappointed. But, it's hard and unfair to the band to beat some of the experiences I've had. I don't think anything could top being able to see Brandi in places like Portland's tiny Mississippi Studios (and have Brandi give you a shout out). I don't think anything could be better than Brandi coming up to you at a bar afterwards to say "Hi" and you then proceed to talk with her about the Mayor of Seattle and his pussy cats (also one of the most embarrassingly awkward moments ever). Nothing could ever really beat that. So, it's a weird place to be in for anyone who's seen as many shows from one artist as I have - and well, I feel a little slightly... um well, nonplussed. And sadly, I feel it's best for me to kinda walk away for a bit so I can come back refreshed and excited for Brandi's next work.

Anyways, when I think why I went to so many shows for so many different artists in the first place, I get a big rush of memories in return... exciting memories, non apathetic memories. I think about all my favorite shows, all of my favorite artists, all my friends, and all of the great venues I've been to and subconsciously, I make a list in my head. It's things like that that make me excited to see live music. Stuff like that is what I need to remember.

And you know what the funny thing is, speaking of going to see live shows and favorite shows, if I had to tell someone what my favorite concert was... I don't think I would be able to. That was at least, until last night. Out of all the amazing shows I've seen ONE really stands out. Ideally, there are a lot of things that make a show a "good show". Sometimes its your seats, sometimes its the people you're with, sometimes its things that happened before or after the show that made it memorable, sometimes it's the distance you had to drive to make it worth it. When I remove all those things that I normally attribute to a concert... and I focus on just the performance, just that moment in time, just being there and everything being amazing, one concert without a doubt stands out.

Last night, while seeing Chris Pureka play a cover, "Everything is Free" at Mississippi Studios, I realized that my favorite concert experience ever (no offense Chris) was seeing Gillian Welch and David Rawlings play and sing that same exact song at the No Depression Festival last summer in Seattle. Yeah, I drove to Seattle for the show. Yeah, I went to the show with friends, but while they held their ground on our blanket in the grass, I went to the front. I stood by the stage and I took all the amazingness in. And, you just can't put a price on an experience like that. I personally think Gillian Welch is one of the best singers and songwriters of our time. She has a certain authenticity and timelessness to her voice that you can't replicate. As well, David Rawlings is a friggin beast on the guitar. Watching him play the chords with his fingers... just using the instrument for all of it's god intended full most purpose, is just... wow. Also, there is no show business to their show. There is no rock and roll, no smoke and mirrors, it's just them on stage doing what they do best. Singing songs.

And the thing is, that's the first time I've seen Gillian and probably the last time for quite some time. She doesn't tour round these parts much and it's hard to make it to her shows. But... all that doesn't matter. It's shows like that that remind me that it's the quality of the show that makes the show, it's not the quantity of them that you go to. And, in order to not be apathetic I think that's just what I need to remember.