Olympic memories....

The Olympics are such a spectacular, lights action drama, crying, more crying, and fashion.... that much like the Oscars or the Grammy's, I wish I could give away awards. So, having said that now that the Olympic flame has moved on to other venues and other dreams... these are the rewards I would dish out:

BEST DRAMA THAT NEVER HAPPENED:

Oh... for it to be 1994 again!

We as American's love action and we also love drama. That's generally what makes the Olympics so compelling for us to watch night after night for two weeks every two years. And, nothing drives those TV ratings better than real life inter-team drama, much like the Days of Our Lives or an episode of the Real World, we foam at the mouth for rivalry. In 1994 we were treated to perhaps not only some of the best figure skating, but also the best drama as Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding took to the ice with tire irons and menacing glares. In 06, we were treated to the rivalry of speed skaters Chad Hendrick and Shani Davis. While both of them continued to compete in this years' Olympics... their feud seemed rather lukewarm. America, sensing that that wasn't the drama they were looking for really tried to play out some inter team drama between women's skier's Lindsay Vonn and Julia Mancuso, but.... happily, both women didn't really play into it. When interviewed, they always spoke well of each other and admitted they had different tactics and training programs, but the same goal, winning gold and wished the best for their teammate. When Lindsay Vonn crashed in the giant slalom, sadly, it effected Julia's run which was started before Lindsay's was over and both women failed to be effective in that race. However, they were both able to go home with gold medals and records in their events.

BEST DRAMA THAT DID ACTUALLY, SADLY HAPPEN:

The Canadian figure skater Joannie Rochette, who's mother passed away from a massive heart attack, days prior to her skate in the short program. Rochette then went on to win a silver medal. There has been tons written about this already, so if you want a more mushy and heartfelt poignant post about it... I'll direct you to here.

BEST OUTFITS:

Sorry, gonna have to go with the US Snowboarding team on this one. I loved this outfit for the simple fact that it made the snowboarders kinda look like the cool slackers that everyone projects them to be. It makes them look like they just rolled out of bed and put on a fleece and ripped up pair of jeans and took to the pipe (albeit kinda preppy slackers from the late nineties who shopped at Abercrombie). However, the cool thing about the kit is that much how some snowboarders are misunderstood... many misunderstood the simplicity of this kit. Dude, those aren't jeans... that's gore-tex made to look like jeans.... totally gnar! So, kudos to Burton to making the snowboarders look like the rock stars they are.

RUNNERS-UP:

US bobsled. I love the classic Under Armor navy blue uni-suits with the Captain America arms.

I also love the Arial skier from Belarus and his simple, almost Johnny Cash inspired, black outfit.

And, Norway's curling pants... pretty much amazing.

WORST OUTFITS:

Sorry Canada, I love my neighbors up north... but really, what was up with the short track uniforms? It pretty much looked like an umpa-lumpa who was riding a bike over a dirty road. I mean, there aren't too many photos of athletes from the rear for me to post, but if you saw them - you know what i'm talking about.

RUNNERS UP:

And, while many teams used the Adidas designed uniform, I'm going to say once again that the Canadians did it worse than everyone else. What's funny is that the uniform looks great from the front and even has a nice tribal sublimation on the sleeves, but from the rear? Dear god... why? I'm guessing that the spiderman stripes used on the bobsled uniforms make you go faster or some other type of newfound technology, but... with the contrasting color it just didn't look good. I like what Germany did with their version of this uniform, but Canada gets an epic fail. Once again, I could really find photos of athlete's backsides to post... but if you saw them you know what i'm talking about.

And, sorry Canada once again.... but is that saran-wrap on your legs?

WORST OUTFITS FROM A TEAM THAT'S NOT CANADIAN:

These outfits from the Russian Ice Dancers. It's not like they're offensive or anything.

Actually, if you look at any best and worst dressed list from the Olympics, most of the train wrecks go on during figure skating. Which... brings up the question of they don't they just wear color unisuits and a number like everyone else? It's an interesting debate.

RUNNER UPS:

Romania

Mexico

And whatever country claims this:

ATHLETE WHO DOES THE MOST GOOD AND PROBABLY EATS THE MOST PANCAKES:

Hannah Teeter. 2 Gold Medals, makes maple syrup, sells under ware, gives money to a small village in Africa, and finally started brushing her hair last year.

ATHLETE WHO WENT "BALLS TO THE WALL" THE MOST:

On a night when everyone else seemed to be playing it safe, US Snowboarder Gretchen Bleiler put the most out their on the line in the half pipe. Being one of the only women to "flip" as opposed to just "twist" on the pipe... she pretty much landed the hard stuff but couldn't cleanly finish the run. As a result, she didn't go home with a medal, but I think she should be proud for being more kick-ass than the other ladies in my humble opinion.

ATHLETE WHO HAS THE RIGHT TO GO POSTAL ONE DAY:

Sven Kramer, the speed skater from the Netherlands who not only was on track to win a gold medal, but to also set an olympic record was disqualified for jumping lanes as his coach wrongly instructed him to do.

PERSON WHO SHOULD BE QUICKLY ADMITTED TO WITNESS PROTECTION:

Gerard Kemkers, coach of Sven Kramer (see above). Those Dutch love their speed skating, a lot.

PEOPLE WHO SHOULD GET A LIFE ALREADY:

The International Olympic Committee.

Really, what is the big deal about either of these two things?

They won a friggin medal, let them party.

EPIC FAIL:

NBC and their broadcast of the olympics. I know that they save things for prime-time ratings, but it was frustrating for once, to live in the same time zone as the Olympics and to have people who live on the other side of the world know what happened before I did. I learned very quickly (IE: the first three days of the Olympics) that I just can't be online from 4-11pm PT if I don't want to see any Olympic updates on people's facebook feeds.

Also, fail to NBC for their mic placement. I didn't need to hear Kelly Clark singing to herself before she dropped in on the half-pipe, nor did I need to hear Shaun White and his entourage bump fists and say "duuude, kill it" repeatedly, or the emotional interchange between Lindsay Vonn and her husband after she won gold. Somethings are better left to the imagination and to the private sector.

RUNNER-UP:

Epic Fail to some Canadian broadcasters making fun of Johnny Weir. Listen, I know he's an easy target... but if anything, make fun of the feathers and the fur... but not the man. And, kudos to Weir for such a well-spoken comeback .

PERSON WHO WOULD MOST LIKE TO BE RUSSIAN:

Johnny Weir

PERSON WHO SHOULD LAY OFF THE BRONZER:

Evan Lysacek

RUNNER UP: Bob Costas

PERSON WHO IF IN WERE EVAN LYSACEK, I WOULD NOT LIKE TO SEE IN A DARK ALLEY:

Yevgeny Plushenko

PERSON WHO, EVEN THOUGH YOU WON A MEDAL, SHOULD NOT WEAR A TIRARA IN PUBLIC:

Julia Mancuso

SPORT THAT IS MOST LIKELY TO SEE A SURGE IN PARTICIPATION FOLLOWING OLYMPICS:

Curling. I feel that much like cornhole, darts and shuffleboard, people like it cause because it appears as if you could drink a beer while playing.

COUNTRY WHO APPARENTLY IS THE BEST AT HOCKEY:

Canada

RUNNER UP:

USA

BEST DOWNHILL SKIING MJ INSPIRED DANCE VIDEO:

Norway.

BEST COMMERCIAL DURING THE OLYMPICS

Old Spice

BEST WIPE OUT:

Pretty much, Day 6 was filled with spills of all sorts... esp those in the Women's Super G. Watch em here...

MOMENT OF SILENCE:

Nodar Kumaritashvili, the 21 year old from Georgia who died on the opening day during his training for the luge event.

TEAM THAT IS THE BESTEST IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD AT THINGS INVOLVING SPORTS AND WINTER:

USA, we won the most medals, that makes us the best right?

RUNNER UP:

All those people from the smaller countries who traveled from afar to represent their homeland in the winter games. Those people who hardly spend a percentage of the money that our country (or Canada, or Germany, etc) does on training or facilities, coaching, uniforms, equipment, etc. For those athletes, it's not about winning or losing, or gold or sliver, endorsements or commercials... it's about being an olympian. Those people will go home champions, regardless of their placing.

Captain Obvious

So, it's no surprise that I am a massive fan of the Olympics, especially the Winter Olympics. Nothing gives me more joy than watching athletes dress from head to toe in tight tight spandex and throw/hurl/huck/propel themselves off of steep slopes/chutes/ice sheets as fast and as recklessly as humanly possible. True, the Summer Olympics and the athletes may be more scantily clad, tan and aesthetically appealing themselves, but it takes a special person to be a Winter Olympian. More often than not, these are the kids who never turned down a dare. Weather it was doing a back flip off a jump or wearing a sequined flamboyant feathered outfit... these are the people that when faced with obstacles that most sane people run away from (like copious amounts of ice and snow... or sequins), winter athletes embrace. While most people travel south to warmer sunnier climates for the winter, these athletes head north, up high towards the cold, the hard and the fast.

The interesting thing about the Winter Olympics, as opposed to the Summer Olympics, is that it's compelling in a very exclusive way... meaning not that everyone can do it. Ideally, all fit and able bodied people can watch the Summer Olympics at home and then inspired by the events on TV, rush outside to play soccer, baseball, softball, basketball, run, swim, bike, play tennis, etc... as I did; however, for most people, this is not an option for the Winter Olympics. It its pretty much a fact that in order to be a Winter Olympic athlete you have to have access to proper terrain, cold enough winters, ice rinks, and gear to participate. Which sadly also means copious amounts of money, a sugar daddy, or communist country that told you it was your job (that is unless you are the Jamaican Bobsled Team... and that's another story). As a result of this adversity, the majority of citizens of the world cannot participate in said Winter Olympic events and thereby, do not really understand the nature and rules of sports themselves.

In the Summer Olympics, seemingly everyone is a critic. Every Joe Six Pack can watch an event and say to themselves... "Man, I could have done that better than that dude. I mean, like back in high school when I used to high jump, before I got that job. If I had only practiced a little harder, been more dedicated, I could have been there." In the Winter Olympics, there is far less personal guilt involved as majority of people watching, can only regret not living in a place conducive to those sports. This regret is nothing that should really keep us up at night since most of us at a young age, had no say in where we grew up. You either lived in one of those places where they did those sports and your parents allowed you to participate... or you lived in Southern Ohio and didn't have a chance to start with.

In the Winter Olympics, the majority of the population has to rely on the TV announcers to be the critics and the experts. We need them to explain the rules and protocol for biathlon, ski jump and curling. While quite often they'll bring in expert analysts (also known as former Olympians who need a job and are kinda still familiar to the general public from their short stint on a Wheaties Box), it's up to the full time announcers to carry the weight of the broadcast. Some of the TV announcers themselves, are also kinda unfamiliar with the games and thusly, have to fill in the silence between drama and action with words. As a result, they are more prone to say dumb-assed things when trying to avoid not knowing what they are really talking about.

Take for example... while watching figure skating the other evening, one announcer actually said: "you know, the Canadian couple thought they had a pretty good shot of winning till they fell." Or in the nordic combined as the athletes were entering in their final lap on the course and an all out sprint ensued... one announcer said "so-and-so would have a pretty good chance of catching up with the lead pack if only he wasn't so tired."

No shit.

Thank you Captain Obvious.

it sounds a lot like.....

Speaking of Celine Dion... the other week while out for pizza, the song Alone came over the speakers and my table had a debate over who was singing it: was it the cast of Glee, Carrie Underwood, Celine or perhaps Heart? I was cheering for Heart, but not because I thought it was their version of the song... but because I thought that it was a completely different song. From the first chords I was thinking it was Heart's classic song.... "What About Love?" (Not to be confused with the Meat Loaf song off of the Bat Out of Hell 2 Album)

Listen for yourselves.....

Heart - Alone

Which sounds a lot like...

Heart - What About Love

Which sounds a lot like...

Cher - If I Could Turn Back Time

it's all coming back to me now...

I apologize for anyone who has heard me say this or write about it before, but every once and a while I find myself listening to music from the 90's and I ask myself... hmm, is it just me, or.... is that Cher or Heart? Is that Heart or Celine Dion? or is that Celine Dion or Meatloaf?

You think I'm kidding that sometimes these things confuse me, but really watch these two epicly long videos and think to yourself how similar they are:

It's All Coming Back to Me - Celine Dion

I Would Do Anything For Love - Meat Loaf

Shall we count the things they both have in common?

• motorcycles
• big creepy houses
• lots and lots of candles
• big flowy curtains
• big beds
• large framed paintings/photos/mirrors
• reflections in "said" objects
• lighting/rain
• flashbacks
• wind
• smoke/fog
• people running
• disappearing people
• things crashing, etc

Well, the songs have more in common than their videos; in fact, they were both written by the same guy, Jim Steinman. Actually, the song "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" song was first chosen to be sung by Meat Loaf to appear on his Bat Out of Hell 2 album. However, the writer Jim Steinman and Meat Loaf decided to put "I Would Do Anything For Love" on Hell 2 instead and save "Back to Me" for Hell 3. Speaking of Jim Steinman... he also wrote this other classic slightly (VERY) creepy big house and candle song (and video).

FUNNY WOMEN: Kristen Wiig

So, last night over drinks my friends and I were talking about TV and someone mentioned Kristen Wiig. "OMG!" I exclaimed... "she is soo funny on SNL!". However, my friends greeting my excitement with blank stares as it seems the only things they've seen her in has been her roles in recent movies like Extract and Whip It. Well then, I thought... I better educate my friends as to some of my favorite Wiig SNL moments.

Lawrence Welk Show

Engagement Surprise

Virgana Horsens Pony Express

Virgana Horsens Hot Air Ballon Ride

Crazy McCain Lady

Target Lady

Gilly

RE: Starbucks and Epcot.

Last September I posted a blog about how Starbucks was trying to steer away from their familiar green apron in an attempt to compete on a more local scale. Now, several months later, the NYTimes reports on whether or not it seems to be working. The Starbucks company reported on Wednesday that in the first quarter (which included the important holiday season) net income was $241.5 million, up from $64.3 million in the year-ago quarter. So, something seems to be working.

RE: my beef with the outdoor industry... aside from Rapha that is.

In response to my post from earlier this week regarding the outdoor and sporting goods industry and their seemingly overwhelming desire to make things catered towards women by making them pink and curvy... I can safely say there is a breath of fresh air on the horizon.

As you may recall, I had mentioned that Rapha, the men's cycling clothing line, was gearing up to release a new line of women's clothing later this spring and I was curious to see if they would stick with their same classic and suave designs and colors that they make for men.... or would they throw in a lot of pastels and butterflies in an attempt appeal to women in the same ways that it seems most other companies do? Well, apparently Slate Olson, General Manager of Rapha (USA), happened upon the post and in response, was kind enough to share with me some photos straight from their recent shoot in italy of the new women's line. And what from what I see.... I'm very very pleased.

(thanks... Slate for the first look!)

As you can happily see, Rapha went with their same classic approach to cycling apparel: a form fitting feminine cut with strong bold classic colors and touches of pink here and there. And... while you may think I initially cringed at the pink inclusion after my last tirade...the cool thing about their usage of pink is that its actually a fairly prominent accent color for them (not only in their menswear, but their website design and graphic elements that they use overall). Much like Bianchi's celeste blue bikes, it's a signature flair aimed at the initial target market (men) and not as something to make women like the item more (I love it!). Rapha also plans on introducing a mens Stowaway Jacket later this year... totally in pink. Granted, while they hope a few women might be interested as well.... their main focus is the dudes.

Thank you for sharing Slate and thank you Rapha for recognizing the athletic women out there who want the same cool stuff as the dudes... but we want it to fit us. Thanks!

Now... i just need to save my money to get some cool stuff. :)