It has a name now...

Sure... you've heard all the names before... FUPA, muffin top, camel toe, love handles, cankles, moose knuckles. Aside from their cute animal-like or something you're having for breakfast sounding names... they have one other thing in common... flab. Excess FLAB.

We can admit that mostly everyone has a little bit of extra skin and fat in places that we'd like to hide. We'd like to not show the world where we deposit our calories and second servings of pie. But we're Americans god damn it and just like we suffer from capitalism, we suffer from excess. We have big SUV's, big box chain-stores, big TV's with flat panels, biggie sized fries and frappes. Luckily, if you're one of the many American's who don't own a pair of spandex - it's easy to just cover up the flab with a pair of baggy jeans or shorts and go about your life, eating twinkies and watching the next episode of Biggest Loser while you shop on line for cute decorative toilet paper covers.

However, if you're one of the afflicted, spandex wearing throngs of society... you've got bigger issues on your hands. Yeah... ideally those who wear spandex should not have fat. I mean, spandex makes you more areo-dynamic and allows you to move in ways uninhibited by normal gravitational pull, right? Which thereby makes you go faster and burn more calories to rid yourself of said FUPA... right? But once again - we're Americans and we can't all be Kelly Ripa and Tom Selleck:

(no fupa there!)

Admittedly most of us, even the spandex clad, have a few pounds we could loose. The thing is when you're supposed to show up to things in spandex... you're naked to the world... your fat has nowhere to hide... (ask any Olympic bobsledder or Super Woman when she's got the monthly bloat).

Even Olympians and Super Hero's have those days....

In fact, thanks to spandex, your fat actually expands and moves into unusual places - places that normal Americans don't have to worry about. Due to this phenomena... we've found ourselves at a shortage of cute names to call our rolls. Namely, the excess roll of flub below our butt. Normally, that skin would ideally gel with your butt or droop down towards the cankles... but in spandex... it's held there... tight to the leg with nowhere to go.

What do we call that area? What do we name that fat?

I throw this suggestion out into the world... biscuit bottoms.

Yes, it sounds cute. Yes, it's related to food. Also... due to the location of the fat... it truly does reside below your biscuit! And... it has not been coined yet! (Go on the internet and do a search for biscuit bottoms and all you see is really, the under side of biscuits. True story.)

nom nom nom

So there you go. It has a name now... feel free to distribute this knowledge freely into the world! You can sleep better at night.