Oh... for it to be 1994 again!
We as American's love action and we also love drama. That's generally what makes the Olympics so compelling for us to watch night after night for two weeks every two years. And, nothing drives those TV ratings better than real life inter-team drama, much like the Days of Our Lives or an episode of the Real World, we foam at the mouth for rivalry. In 1994 we were treated to perhaps not only some of the best figure skating, but also the best drama as Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding took to the ice with tire irons and menacing glares. In 06, we were treated to the rivalry of speed skaters Chad Hendrick and Shani Davis. While both of them continued to compete in this years' Olympics... their feud seemed rather lukewarm. America, sensing that that wasn't the drama they were looking for really tried to play out some inter team drama between women's skier's Lindsay Vonn and Julia Mancuso, but.... happily, both women didn't really play into it. When interviewed, they always spoke well of each other and admitted they had different tactics and training programs, but the same goal, winning gold and wished the best for their teammate. When Lindsay Vonn crashed in the giant slalom, sadly, it effected Julia's run which was started before Lindsay's was over and both women failed to be effective in that race. However, they were both able to go home with gold medals and records in their events.
BEST DRAMA THAT DID ACTUALLY, SADLY HAPPEN:
The Canadian figure skater Joannie Rochette, who's mother passed away from a massive heart attack, days prior to her skate in the short program. Rochette then went on to win a silver medal. There has been tons written about this already, so if you want a more mushy and heartfelt poignant post about it... I'll direct you to here.
BEST OUTFITS:
Sorry, gonna have to go with the US Snowboarding team on this one. I loved this outfit for the simple fact that it made the snowboarders kinda look like the cool slackers that everyone projects them to be. It makes them look like they just rolled out of bed and put on a fleece and ripped up pair of jeans and took to the pipe (albeit kinda preppy slackers from the late nineties who shopped at Abercrombie). However, the cool thing about the kit is that much how some snowboarders are misunderstood... many misunderstood the simplicity of this kit. Dude, those aren't jeans... that's gore-tex made to look like jeans.... totally gnar! So, kudos to Burton to making the snowboarders look like the rock stars they are.
RUNNERS-UP:
US bobsled. I love the classic Under Armor navy blue uni-suits with the Captain America arms.
I also love the Arial skier from Belarus and his simple, almost Johnny Cash inspired, black outfit.
And, Norway's curling pants... pretty much amazing.
WORST OUTFITS:
Sorry Canada, I love my neighbors up north... but really, what was up with the short track uniforms? It pretty much looked like an umpa-lumpa who was riding a bike over a dirty road. I mean, there aren't too many photos of athletes from the rear for me to post, but if you saw them - you know what i'm talking about.
RUNNERS UP:
And, while many teams used the Adidas designed uniform, I'm going to say once again that the Canadians did it worse than everyone else. What's funny is that the uniform looks great from the front and even has a nice tribal sublimation on the sleeves, but from the rear? Dear god... why? I'm guessing that the spiderman stripes used on the bobsled uniforms make you go faster or some other type of newfound technology, but... with the contrasting color it just didn't look good. I like what Germany did with their version of this uniform, but Canada gets an epic fail. Once again, I could really find photos of athlete's backsides to post... but if you saw them you know what i'm talking about.
And, sorry Canada once again.... but is that saran-wrap on your legs?
WORST OUTFITS FROM A TEAM THAT'S NOT CANADIAN:
These outfits from the Russian Ice Dancers. It's not like they're offensive or anything.
Actually, if you look at any best and worst dressed list from the Olympics, most of the train wrecks go on during figure skating. Which... brings up the question of they don't they just wear color unisuits and a number like everyone else? It's an interesting debate.
RUNNER UPS:
Romania
Mexico
And whatever country claims this:
ATHLETE WHO DOES THE MOST GOOD AND PROBABLY EATS THE MOST PANCAKES:
Hannah Teeter. 2 Gold Medals, makes maple syrup, sells under ware, gives money to a small village in Africa, and finally started brushing her hair last year.
ATHLETE WHO WENT "BALLS TO THE WALL" THE MOST:
On a night when everyone else seemed to be playing it safe, US Snowboarder Gretchen Bleiler put the most out their on the line in the half pipe. Being one of the only women to "flip" as opposed to just "twist" on the pipe... she pretty much landed the hard stuff but couldn't cleanly finish the run. As a result, she didn't go home with a medal, but I think she should be proud for being more kick-ass than the other ladies in my humble opinion.
ATHLETE WHO HAS THE RIGHT TO GO POSTAL ONE DAY:
Sven Kramer, the speed skater from the Netherlands who not only was on track to win a gold medal, but to also set an olympic record was disqualified for jumping lanes as his coach wrongly instructed him to do.
PERSON WHO SHOULD BE QUICKLY ADMITTED TO WITNESS PROTECTION:
Gerard Kemkers, coach of Sven Kramer (see above). Those Dutch love their speed skating, a lot.
PEOPLE WHO SHOULD GET A LIFE ALREADY:
The International Olympic Committee.
Really, what is the big deal about either of these two things?
They won a friggin medal, let them party.
EPIC FAIL:
NBC and their broadcast of the olympics. I know that they save things for prime-time ratings, but it was frustrating for once, to live in the same time zone as the Olympics and to have people who live on the other side of the world know what happened before I did. I learned very quickly (IE: the first three days of the Olympics) that I just can't be online from 4-11pm PT if I don't want to see any Olympic updates on people's facebook feeds.
Also, fail to NBC for their mic placement. I didn't need to hear Kelly Clark singing to herself before she dropped in on the half-pipe, nor did I need to hear Shaun White and his entourage bump fists and say "duuude, kill it" repeatedly, or the emotional interchange between Lindsay Vonn and her husband after she won gold. Somethings are better left to the imagination and to the private sector.
RUNNER-UP:
Epic Fail to some Canadian broadcasters making fun of Johnny Weir. Listen, I know he's an easy target... but if anything, make fun of the feathers and the fur... but not the man. And, kudos to Weir for such a well-spoken comeback .
PERSON WHO WOULD MOST LIKE TO BE RUSSIAN:
Johnny Weir
PERSON WHO SHOULD LAY OFF THE BRONZER:
Evan Lysacek
RUNNER UP: Bob Costas
PERSON WHO IF IN WERE EVAN LYSACEK, I WOULD NOT LIKE TO SEE IN A DARK ALLEY:
PERSON WHO, EVEN THOUGH YOU WON A MEDAL, SHOULD NOT WEAR A TIRARA IN PUBLIC:
Julia Mancuso
SPORT THAT IS MOST LIKELY TO SEE A SURGE IN PARTICIPATION FOLLOWING OLYMPICS:
Curling. I feel that much like cornhole, darts and shuffleboard, people like it cause because it appears as if you could drink a beer while playing.
COUNTRY WHO APPARENTLY IS THE BEST AT HOCKEY:
Canada
RUNNER UP:
USA
BEST DOWNHILL SKIING MJ INSPIRED DANCE VIDEO:
Norway.
BEST COMMERCIAL DURING THE OLYMPICS
Old Spice
BEST WIPE OUT:
Pretty much, Day 6 was filled with spills of all sorts... esp those in the Women's Super G. Watch em here...
MOMENT OF SILENCE:
Nodar Kumaritashvili, the 21 year old from Georgia who died on the opening day during his training for the luge event.
TEAM THAT IS THE BESTEST IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD AT THINGS INVOLVING SPORTS AND WINTER:
USA, we won the most medals, that makes us the best right?
RUNNER UP:
All those people from the smaller countries who traveled from afar to represent their homeland in the winter games. Those people who hardly spend a percentage of the money that our country (or Canada, or Germany, etc) does on training or facilities, coaching, uniforms, equipment, etc. For those athletes, it's not about winning or losing, or gold or sliver, endorsements or commercials... it's about being an olympian. Those people will go home champions, regardless of their placing.
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